One day four boys from horrible Essex did a work placement at Kraftwerk's house. While they were there they learnt how to play synthesisers apart from one called Andrew Fletchers who learnt how to clap, though not necessarily in time with the music, and one called David Guam who learnt how to sing like Tony Hadley (a famous ballet dancer). They called themselves The Depeche Modes which means 'Look-In Magazine' in French. The other two boys were called Martin Gormley (who thought he was a girl) and Vinny Jones. Vinny Jones went off and married a fat lass and then turned into a gay. That is the end of him. Please do not speak his name again.
The Depeche Modes joined a record label called Mute which was run by a monk called Father Windy Miller. He tried to stop them singing, and make records without any grooves on them, but The Depeche Modes refused and started making records which sounded like Pac Man.
Young girls liked Depeche Mode (for short) and they did the music to Jim'll Fix It and Blue Peter, as well as making lots of albums which all sounded like Pac Man. They wanted to be the Bay City Rollers of the early 80s, but then something happened...
When Vinny Jones (whoops) went off to be a gay, Depeche Mode were left without anybody that could play music, but in the funeral parlour next door was a young man called Gene Wilder. He used to play the organ at funerals and so Depeche Mode asked him to join the band. So he did. So Depeche Mode started making funeral music for discos and everybody in East Germany thought it was great because it lifted their spirits.
By now it was the early 90s, doesn't time fly, and Depeche Mode were falling out. But everybody thought they were dead good and bought 'Enjoy My Silence', which David Guam sang totally naked apart from a crown and a deckchair, on Top of the Pops. And you could see his tail and everything.
<*dv_0*> David Guam had started sniffing crack and smoking from the mong pipe, and was in danger of killing himself. Which he did. But it's OK, because he came back to life again, was Ozzy Osbourne for a little while, and then was David Guam again a bit later on. Meanwhile Gene Wilder was annoyed because Martin Gormley and the other clapping one used to bully him and lock him in cupboards, so he left in a strop to go back to work in the funeral parlour, so we wont mention him again either.
After Gene Wilder (oops) left everybody thought Depeche Mode would turn rubbish because he used to do their music. And they were right. All Depeche Mode's albums since then have sounded like someone doing a trump next to a Bontempi organ and have been useless for anything other than mini-frizbees.
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