New Order were formed in 1969 in Mancheshire by big-haired lead singer Barnaby Morrissey and a man called Jimmy Marrs after original singer Tony Curtis died watching a dancing chicken on television.
<*dv_0*> They were on Anthony H Corbett's Factories record label. Which was good but didn't make any money so was really quite crap.
One day a woman called Hamble joined the band and brought a stylophone with her. Originally no one liked her because she wore weird tights and made them stop playing death-skiffle. But she was quite pretty so the drummer Mr Spencer had to marry her.
New Order's first record was called 'The Blue Mondays'. It was made from disco but with a funny man singing on it. Everyone liked it and all the students and unemployed people in England were given a copy. This made it the most successful record ever in the world. The record came inside an old floppy disk and each one cost 2 more to buy than it did to make. Or something.
Their second record was made after sniffing 'E' in Torremolinos. It was an acid dance record but no one can remember what it's called. <*dv_1*>They also made a record with gangsta rapper John Barnes called 'Three Lions On My Chest' which was going to be the new national anthem but the queen didn't like it and sent them some poo in a jiffy bag just to make sure.
New Order owned a nightclub called the Facienda which cost a lot of money and was the best place in England for druggies to go. Even though it was a benders club. In the club they played silly music that made people giggle. And then somebody got shot with a gun and then it closed down and the police shouted at everybody. Shaun Ryder's brother used to collect coats there.
After that everybody in New Order went to sleep for a few years apart from Captain Hook who became a Viking and made girl music.
Then they all woke up and made some more records.
They are a special band because they never talk to anybody or play live or smile or make records. They are also older than my Dad. Gay
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