Evanescence: Argumentative, petty shitehawks of the first order. Possibly. | | <*dv_0*>Evanescence Vow to Kill Again... | Appalling US Christian nu-metal caricatures Evanescence have vowed to kill again, after the argument which first saw them delve into the shady world of man-carnage flared up once more. The band were taking a few days rest in Lytham St Anne's, where lead singer Amy Honk is currently living and learning to sing, when they overheard a discussion about the dog from TVs 'Hart to Hart'. Amy takes up the story: "We were waiting for a tram to take us into Blackpool where I was going to have another ride on 'The Big One'. This would have been my 28th go, it's brilliant - have you ever been on it? Anyway, there was a guy at the stop, talking into a mobile phone about Hart to Hart, and he happened to mention the dog, and called him Max. Now, I'm not usually one to quibble, as anyone will tell you, like, but the BUTLER was called Max, the frickin dog was called Freeway. So, enraged to the point of wanting a poo, I took this guy's phone and stuffed it sideways up his bum, right up, as far as it would go. You should have seen the look on his face - well it was bloody classic, I shit you not. Sorry for swearing God" You can just imagine her saying.
If this were true she would probably have angrily continued: "Evanescence do not and will not tolerate such obvious weekness, apart from my frankly shite singing (but that doesn't count), and in accordance with our strict Christian doctrines we shall rid the world of such ill-informed people who get easy stuff wrong in the belief that they are totally right. Tomorrow we will be scouring the letters page of the Daily Mail for more of these scum, then we shall move on to listeners of Radio 4's 'The Today Programme'. OK it may seem churlish for a band of mock-metal mimsies who blindly follow the writings of a 2000 year old book of dubious origin - which has no proven truth or basis, or any bearing on modern life, and has been responsible for many many millions of deaths in its name - to be picking fault with people who's only crime is that they can't be arsed to inform themselves of the most basic of everyday facts, but fuck it - we're hard you're not, ner. Sorry for swearing God."
A spokesman for Lytham St Anne's Police cemented "Can't you see I'm having a cuppa? Fill in this form will you."
<*dv_1*> The man with the mobile phone was unavailable for comment, but it is understood he is having a course of ringpiece-easing trump therapy.
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