Ahhh Internet. Where would I be without you? You give me information on Gary Wilmot and Bill Cosby; you have an online dictionary, rude things and help on multiple coursework assignments (Ctrl+C, Crtl+V)
<*dv_4*> Not only that, but Internet dating!
Ho ho ho. Around 2yrs ago, I was put under house arrest for being constantly out drunk, bringing home randoms to drink my dads whiskey, being given a formal warning at work and much more. So I took a poke around that well-known haunt Lycos.
<*dv_3*> So I made up myself a profile, nicely done I must say. And waited for the offers to come a-rolling in, and they did just that. Hi hows U? (Personal Fave) et al, and in my naivety, I took them all in. Hrmmmm, Craig you say? Medium builddark hairno pic as scanner is brokenIll meet you at 7!
Why oh why did you not mention that you look like an even fatter Joe Alaskey<*dv_0*> in a blanket jacket? Thankfully I managed to fake a phone call from my father with mental health problems Oh dad! You know youve not to touch the frying pan! Ill be home in 5 minutes! cue apologetic grimace.
My next attempt was with a guy who (again no pic!) said that most of his friends say he looks like he should be in a boy band. I never knew there was a boy band called Skanky (or equiv.) he was truly rodent like. We went to the rialto to see Pearl Harbour. He started touching my leg; I did a full body shiver-cum-convulse. He tried to kiss me - I turned my head away. He grabbed my face and tried again. I smacked his arms. He then asked if Id rather we went back there, where its darker and we can get saucy I went to the loo, via a taxi home, leaving my divine pink jacket. He sent an irate email, saying that Id put him through so much stress he was off work and that while he was very angry with me, hed be willing to meet to give me back my jacket. I told him to keep it.
<*dv_5*> Next was my worst mistake of all. I met a guy who was amazing. I fell in love with him. I messed it up. Less said the better!
<*dv_1*> So hands up whos all lied to a potential mate? My one lie turned into a nightmare. I started speaking to someone who seemed very nice, he had a pic and was v attractive. So why did I lie? Im still shrugging to this day. What did I lie about? Well! For some bizarre reason, I told him I lived in a house with just my sister, and had a car (it had just been re-possessed the week previous) I got in deeper, and it got harder to tell the truth. So what happens when he comes to stay the night? Thankfully my dad was working night shift, but I hadnt told my sister the story. So whats in that room? he asked How on earth do you both afford this on your own? Whos Waterloo video is that? Are those mens socks? in short, it was a disaster. Maybe if he reads this one-day, it will all click into place for him!
My last semi-amusing anecdote involves a poor fellow I made travel a fair distance for 30 minutes of my company. Why only 30 minutes? He was fat, and boring, and played Jean Michelle Jaar in the car. I was having to roll my eyes at my reflection in the mirror, to remind myself that I wasnt impressed. He fwah fwahed about hating the clubbing scene, so I hammed it up, peppering my sentences with effs and blinds. It was a joke.
So what happened next? Now that would be telling!
Princess Kate
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