The makers of Matrix: Reloaded, the Wachowski brothers, have shockingly revealed that the film was released to make people gay, or to make gay people even more gay. <*dv_1*> In an interview with Maria Speculum of showbiz gossip mag Honk, one of the funny brothers, Larry, said 'Listen, Toots, we did it because we don't think there is anywhere near enough bumming in the world. Neither Andy (the other funny brother) or myself are bummers, but we have heard complaints from other gaylords that there aren't enough rusty sheriff's stars to go round. So we saw it as our duty, with all this money and technology at our disposal, to even up the odds a little'. The crux of the Wachowski's attempts to turn people gay is the love story between Neo and Trinity. A plot thread so cold and bereft of passion that it would turn any right-thinking person off sex completely, and into the open arms of gaydom. Then there are the subliminal messages hidden in the swanky green graphics. Look closely. Yes, you see, you're turning homo just by looking at it aren't you. That's because of the new 'brain technology' technology employed on the film. <*dv_2*> Another tactic employed by the brothers was to cast the plain looking Carrie-Anne Moss as Trinity, when they could really have had anyone. Moss looks like a man, therefore if you fancy her you must be a bender. It is unclear how many people this evil film may have turned or made more gay, but it is feared the figures could run into hundreds of thousands. One rule of thumb is: If you liked the film then you must have been turned into an uphill gardener, if you thought it was the biggest pile of over-hyped shit you have ever seen then phew, you're safe! |