<*dv_2*>Ive always thought of e-mailing Joss Whedon and pitching him an idea for an episode of Angel. In this episode David Boreanaz et al would infiltrate a Recruitment Consultancy ran by soulless humans in which socially inept demons were sent to companies as temporary staff. Upon arriving for their various assignments they would run amok, creating havoc with everything they do. The reason Ive never sent Mr Whedon my idea is because many of his storylines with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel are largely based upon metaphors, and I felt that a Temping Agency having soulless staff and demonic temps is too close to the truth to be an effective metaphor.
Having temped on and off since I graduated from University five years ago, and having unfortunately found myself back in the loop again, I can safely say that it has permanently scarred me for life to such an extent that I am unable to pass an agency or a previous office where I have temped at without firing off a barrage of abuse and a vast array of hand gestures that wouldnt look out of place in a Working Mens Club in Sunderland where the landlord has refused to serve anyone alcohol unless they can prove that they have bathed in the last five years.
<*dv_1*> To be fair, some jobs Ive had through agencies have been bearable, though these are in the absolute minority. Clearly the worst job Ive had so far was working in the sales division of a famous Japanese camera company (begins and ends with a n and has a k in the middle). It was bad enough having to follow up supposed sales leads on the telephone which all turned out to be cold calls, but the outbursts and expletives I used to receive from customers would have made Peter Reid blush (come on, you must have seen Premier Passions). To compel my misery further I had to share a desk with a colleague nicknamed Trigger after the character from Only Fools and Horses. You may find it amusing that a member of staff a bit slow on the uptake is given a moniker as witty as that, but the thing that used to really make me weep in the toilets was the Del-Boy Reliant Robin model he had strategically placed on his desk, which would play the said sitcoms theme tune at the press of a button. It was mildly amusing the first few times it emitted the John Sullivan penned ditty, complete with Trigger bouncing around on his chair, but every fifteen minutes in an eight hour working day really is enough to make a man question his willingness to continue breathing.
The Recruitment Consultants themselves can be traced back to the same gene pool as Estate Agents and Club 18-30 Holiday Reps in that their supposedly pleasant, over enthusiastic and over friendly demeanour is hiding a dark, dishonest rotten central core of evil and malevolence, much like a character from a Robert Louis Stephenson novel set in modern times. It sends a shiver down my spine every time I receive a telephone call to offer me a job in a call centre or a warehouse despite my constant pleading with them for a nice little office job involving minimal telephone duties or manual labour that wont deform my spine permanently. It also takes a brave man or woman to turn down an assignment from an agency and live to tell the tale!
As mentioned earlier I am about to take a step back into the murky and cutthroat world of temping for the foreseeable future on what seems like a never-ending battle against the forces of evil. A prospect I am dreading to the core of my being. A realisation that demons and monsters do exist in the world and that I need to be saved. Hang on a minute, what a great idea for an episode of Angel! Does anyone know Joss Whedons e-mail address?
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