What a carve-up | | I'm Onto You, Blair! | I don't know how I missed it. I've had my suspicions for a while of course, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I knew something was afoul, but it seemed to be so foul that it couldn't quite be possible. The good news is, I've finally figured out how the British Government has been able to brainwash us all.
I'm sure you're sitting there thinking, "Well, I'm not brainwashed." And who knows - maybe you're one of the lucky ones. But there is no doubt whatsoever that the British public has been brainwashed by the Government - why else wouldn't we stand up to them? Why else, in a supposed democracy, would we
allow Tony Blair to act as a dictator? Why else would we put up with so much crap? The facts don't lie, people!
I've done extensive research into this, but until now, results had been inconclusive. My original theory was that the Government had contaminated our water supplies with some kind of serum that would make us bow down to them. Unfortunately, after checking water supplies throughout the UK, I was unable to find such a serum. However, my new theory is much better.
<*dv_1*> In reality, the answer has been right in front of our eyes for a long time. It's been so hideously obvious that it is amazing that it has gone unnoticed for so long. The Government is brainwashing us through SOAP OPERAS.
<*dv_2*> Personally, I have no problem with soap operas. While the thought of actually watching a soap opera is about as appealing to me as setting myself on fire, or having a conversation with Gareth Gates, I can almost understand why people enjoy watching soap operas. It's a release - it's a chance for people to forget about their own lives and spend half an hour wrapped up in someone else's trials and tribulations. We all need a release, and if soap operas float your boat, then fair enough. Better that than getting a drug addiction, or listening to opera music.
But how can the Government be brainwashing us by using soap operas?
Well, let's look at the facts. First and foremost, soap operas are everywhere. From 5.30 pm, a soap fanatic, aka a woman, can sit down and watch soap operas non-stop until 9pm. And while it isn't just women that watch soaps, I think it's safe to say that more women than men watch soap operas, and women have all the power anyway, therefore, they are the most valuable tool in Government oppression.
Secondly, soap operas dominate the list of the top ten most watched shows each week. Yes indeed, the nation's most popular television show is a soap opera, week in, week out. There is no questioning their power.
But how does all this tie-in with the Government brainwashing us? My initial theory was that subliminal messages were planted in the more popular soap operas. But after checking them for subliminal messages, the only messages I found were ones planted there by Bill Gates, telling us to all use
Microsoft. Before we know it, that man will have taken over the world and it will become mandatory that we all have to have the same stupid haircut as him. But enough about that.
The answer finally hit me the other day when I heard about the latest storyline that is sure to leave millions of poor unfortunates glued to their TV sets in the coming weeks. Dirty Den is back! While this meant absolutely nothing to me when I first heard it, I now understand that Dirty Den was a big star in Eastenders many years ago. Great idea, I thought - attract audiences by bringing back a popular character. But that's only half the story.
<*dv_4*> Not only was Dirty Den a popular character, but in his last appearance on the show, he died! So let me get this straight. The latest storyline that is guaranteed to draw millions of viewers involves resurrecting a dead man.
Whilst trying to fathom all of this, the bigger story came to me. This is how we're being brainwashed. The nation is being subjected to mind-numbing programmes like this, rendering the majority of the population brain-dead. And it's because of this that the Government can get away with what they want: starting wars here and there, raising taxes when they feel like it and all the while, lining their own pockets with gold.
For confirmation, I called the BBC to question them on the subject. They weren't exactly forthcoming with information, but I managed to get them to release the name of the head writer for Eastenders. Here is what they had to say:
"Well, we can't give you his, oops, or her, full name. All I can say is that his, or her, name is T Blair. Oh no, that's too obvious. Let's say it's Tony B. Thank you for your enquiry." And then they hung up.
<*dv_0*> So there you have it: the Government is trying to brainwash us through soap operas. We need to do something fast! We need to fight back! We need to stick it to Blair and his corrupt cabinet! We need to. oh, hang on a minute, gotta go, Coronation Street's just about to start.
<*dv_3*> Submitted by Lee Baker
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