We all dream of greatness. Everyone has ambition, and deep down, we all feel that we could achieve our potential. Some go as far as trying to live their dreams, whereas others settle for mediocrity because of the fear of failure. What could be better than taking centre stage and living that dream in front of millions of on-lookers, showing you their adulation? What a feeling!
Indeed, it truly is heart-warming to hear the fairytale stories of those that dared to dream and actually achieved. The people that dedicated their lives to their specific interest, all for it to culminate in one magnificent moment. Its the stuff dreams are made of.
Sadly, for every star, theres a thousand wannabe-stars that will never make it. Some are talented but just seem to lack that certain something to elevate them above the rest. Others clearly arent talented, but still they insist on trying, even though they are hopeless. One event, perhaps more than any other, clearly demonstrates the dichotomy of these two distinctive forms of failure, and that event is the Eurovision Song Contest.
Ah yes, the Eurovision Song Contest where failure is not an option, its mandatory. I dont know which concept is scarier: the idea that these losers are representing an entire nation, as allegedly the best they have to offer, or the sheer horror that actually takes place at these events.
Credit where credits due, it must be quite an accomplishment to represent your country in such a competition and for five-minutes, become such a spectacle, just like an Olympic athlete, or a British tourist in a Spanish nightclub. However, if these guys are the best, just how bad was their competition?
Ill admit, I wasnt able to watch the whole show too busy vomiting blood after seeing the first act but I was able to catch the tasters they gave you of each act before the voting took place. By God, it was horrible! Twenty-something countries, and not a good one among them. With the exception of the act from Austria, which cracked me up beyond belief, every single taster was terrible. One guy was even singing about the Eighties coming back. Thanks a lot, that thoughts gonna give me nightmares for weeks! I dont know who won because my attention turned over to another channel at 10pm when I realised that the Paint Drying Channel was showing a re-run of Green Paint On Blue Wall and found this to be much more riveting.
So yeah, I thought that the Eurovision Song Contest was bad, and that it would be better suited with a name such as European Crapfest, but hey, this is just my opinion. Im sure that somewhere in the world, at least three people were able to find this event tolerable and I dont condemn them everyones entitled to an opinion. But I couldnt help but think of two important questions surrounding this event.
First of all, why is it that every time you add the word Euro to something, it guarantees that the product will be about as enjoyable as unnecessary surgery? That ones a puzzler. I think the word Euro was intended to act as a warning, like an admission of guilt. Ok, weve done something pretty bad here, but were giving it a name with Euro in it, so be warned!
My second question is: why did they create the Eurovision Song Contest? I havent done my research, so I dont know when the event started, but they surely must have foreseen the consequences of putting a load of European pop artists into one horrifying display of brutality. I think I know their motives behind doing so.
The poor quality of the performers reminded me of a similar concept, and made me realise that they were simply trying to outdo an original idea. Years ago, a group of guys must have sat down and said to themselves: Well, karaoke is bad granted. So what can we do to create something worse than karaoke? After the gasping and jaw-dropping at the mere thought of something being worse than karaoke, someone must have finally devised the Eurovision Song Contest idea. And sure enough the idea was a successful one. This concept is literally karaoke-quality singing with cheap, cheesily produced tracks, ridiculous costumes and a worldwide audience.
Im not criticising the power and influence of the Eurovision Song Contest far from it. I see great potential for it. For example, if we go to war again, we could submit prisoners of war to repeated screenings of the Contest until they finally crack and give away valuable information.
And for those of you that missed/didnt care about/didnt know about the Eurovision Song Contest this year, I urge you to watch it and check out the Austrian act this guy was hilarity at its best.
Submitted by Lee Baker
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