Parenting in 2003

Its amazing how far weve come. Advances in technology have made our lives so much easier, to the extent where we take these timesaving gadgets and ideas for granted. What an age we live in!

I mean, years ago, raising children was so much work. Parents had to teach their children right from wrong and instil values and morals in them. Children had to be watched, and they had to be disciplined when they stepped out of line. Thankfully, new procedures and devices are now in place so parents can take a more hands-off approach to parenting. 

Inventions such as television and the Internet have allowed parents to take on a more relaxed role in raising their children. Why explain a concept to a child when that point can be made so much better in an episode of Coronation Street? It all sounds great in theory, but of course, there are always a few bad eggs that will throw a spanner in the works with antisocial behaviour such as vandalism and drug usage. However, at long last it can be confirmed that there is a solution to this problem. Allow me to present you with a detailed example of this solution:

<*dv_2*> In a small town, not so far from where I live, a number of antisocial teens had taken it upon themselves to engage in gang warfare. These gangs, when not attacking each other, would also take pleasure in terrorising the elderly and harassing shopkeepers. The police didnt seem too keen on doing anything that might resemble actual police work, so they were powerless. This left the situation in the hands of parents and teachers. But what could they do?

Nowadays, you cant physically discipline your children, and the idea of sitting down and talking to their children didnt really appeal to the parents, who had more important things to do such as beer-drinking and committing adultery. So how could they solve the problem with minimal effort and maximum efficiency?

<*dv_1*> The answer was simple: find someone to blame. Therefore, the parents and teachers countered this problem by blaming the American city of Detroit, and more specifically, Detroit native Eminem. Yes indeed, Mr Mathers was the one responsible for the formation of these gangs. After all, hes a rapper, and all rappers are gang-affiliated, so Eminem and his Detroit cohorts were clearly the cause of the problem. 

How ingenious an idea was this? Ok, so the problem hasnt actually been solved. These little bastards are still causing trouble and sending each other to the hospital, but by finding someone to blame, the parents of the children have been able to relieve themselves of the responsibility, thus leaving them guilt-free. The system works!

<*dv_4*> Of course, the people of this town cant take full credit for the idea. Americans have been using this system for years to deal with unruly children. Theyve blamed everyone from Tupac Shakur to Marilyn Manson, as well as every popular television show of the past ten years. These immoral entities have caused a decline in society, and this is why the children have turned bad. The parents were good enough to put their trust in people like Tupac, Eminem and stars of TV, and have allowed these celebrities to raise their kids and this is the thanks they get!

The British government were quick to catch onto this idea. Earlier this year, they blamed the increase in gun crime on British rap groups like So Solid Crew. Even Ill admit that listening to some of these groups has angered me to the extent where I wanted to use a gun theyre not very good But this has been good for the British government. It was another situation where they were able to solve a problem without taking any form of decisive action, and we all know how much the government favours doing this. It seems that President Blair, sorry, Prime Minister Blair has been able to borrow an idea or two from his idol, sorry, friend, President Bush. But the Brits have taken it one step further. 

Earlier this year, people were presented with the opportunity to take their guns to their nearest police station no questions asked. Although I didnt see criminals forming queues around corners to turn in their guns, Im sure the initiative was very successful. 

<*dv_3*> And as a British citizen, its also reassuring to know that if I do get mugged or shot any time soon, I know whose fault it is. Those pesky So Solid devils

You cant help but marvel at the age we live in. It appears that we are evolving at a faster rate than ever before. 

<*dv_0*> So just remember next time the police are arresting you for beating up a pensioner: tell them its Eminems fault and the handcuffs will be removed in a matter of seconds. What an age we live in!

Submitted by Lee Baker

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