Remember Junior? Not one of Arnie's best efforts, it had the Austrian lummox mugging his way through a plot about a pregnant man. Oh, how we laughed! But hold your horses, Poncho. Arnie wasn't too far off the mark.
Stumbling out of bed the other day, head pounding like I was down the front at a Deftones gig, I happened upon one of those horrible morning talk shows, completely by accident. Honest guv. The topic they were debating was about a woman in Saudi Arabia who had had a womb transplant. Yes, you read that right. Unable to have kids, her womb had been transplanted into her daughter; who then carried a baby in it for two months before the experiment unfortunately failed. Despite the tragic loss, scientists saw the experiment as a huge leap towards MEN BEING ABLE TO HAVE BABIES!
<*dv_4*> Just hold on a minute. Don't go writing this idea off. Think about it, lads. How many times have you heard the "You'll never know what its like to be pregnant" line? Dozens? Hundreds? They'll never be able to use it against you again. But the old "Yeah, and what about a football in the knackers?" comeback will still hold strong. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, would ask after you and look after you. "Oh let me help you with that sir, I can see you're pregnant." Imagine what it would be like to get a craving for Stella Artois all day, every day. And no one would be able to cart you off to AA. "I'm not an alcoholic, it's just a craving." Magic! And Stella is just the start. Pizza, kebabs, tequila. A whole pack of Jammy Dodgers. A dozen Pot Noodles The list is endless. And if like me, you're not exactly light on your feet, who cares? You're eating for two now. Imagine getting started on by some tattooed mongo in your local. Imagine actually being able to use the line, "You wouldn't hit a pregnant man would you?"
<*dv_0*> I know that it won't be all good. I mean there's morning sickness. But come on fellas, we've all gone into work hung over and pukey before. It'll be just like that feeling. And your boss won't be able to say, "Shouldn't have drunk so much last night should you?" before sending you back to work. Your boss will more than likely send you home if you're "not feeling on top of the weather". No more hassle for lazing around the house doing sweet FA either. Your back is killing you carrying "this little monster" around. You need to put your feet up. In front of the tele, obviously! And if you happen to explode with profanity while watching the football, no one will say anything. Because your hormones are all over the place.
There is of course, the matter of the delivery. I was talking about this with a friend, and without being crude, there's no way that you could poo it out is there? I don't think that the human body works that way. So, it would have to be a Caesarean wouldn't it? But that's OK. Because chicks dig scars! You pull an absolute stunner, take her back to yours and end up showing off your scar. And then you hit the sucker punch: "Its from when I had my little miracle." Her eyes light up. You're a New New Age Man. You've had a baby. Chicks love babies more than scars! I'd be prepared to give it a shot for this reason alone. It's got to work better than any of my current lines
<*dv_3*> I have absolutely no idea what its actually like carrying a baby around and giving birth. Every time I ask someone who knows all I get is a lecture about how I'll never understand that type of pain (although I still reckon getting a football in the gonads is worse). So I'm afraid I've got no idea of all the little things that are involved. But really, all I can see are good points. So far as I know, there are no little Boogers running around anywhere. But I think the world needs one. So I'm mad for it, where do I sign? I bet my labour would be a lot more entertaining than Arnie's was.
Submitted by Booger
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