<*dv_5*> As we move further and further into the twenty-first century, we have to come to terms with the fact that times have changed. What may have worked in the past could now be ineffective and inefficient, or in some cases obsolete. It's no reason to be alarmed - this has been going on for years. Black and white televisions have been replaced by colour televisions. Old steam engine trains have been replaced by electric trains. Honest, hardworking policemen that were not cost-efficient have been replaced by
corrupt, speed-camera-toting policemen who can generate revenue for the police force. With progress in mind, there are many more things that could be improved upon or eliminated. And where better to start than the time-honoured tradition of marriage?
<*dv_4*> The concept of marriage has been on a steady decline for years now. Couples used to marry young and spend the rest of their lives together, divorce used to be unheard of. The divorce rate started to increase through the years and now we are at a point where people only seem to get married so that they can get divorced - it's like the new "in" thing. I'm surprised people can keep a straight face whilst reciting their wedding vows! "Till death do us part? Yeah right!" Maybe it's just the way of the world right now, but something is seriously wrong here.
<*dv_6*> I came across a great example of wedded bliss just recently. There's a girl that I work with, but don't know her very well. However, piece by piece, I've heard the story of her life. I had heard her talk about being married before, but I'd also heard that she'd slept with the flat-mate of someone that I know. At first, I assumed that she hadn't been married for long and had slept with my friend's flat-mate before she got married. Then, I actually heard her talking about being interested in someone else at work
<*dv_1*> and she was thinking of making a move on him at the company's Christmas party. This just made no sense to me - had she split up with her husband already?
Perplexed, I spoke with my friend who knew a lot more about her. He explained that she'd been married for a while now, and she was married while she was sleeping with his flat-mate. Apparently, she's not happy with her husband, so had planned on breaking up with him in January as that would be more convenient for her, but she still sleeps with other people regularly. She's only twenty years old - a year younger than me. I'll admit that I'm far from the most moralistic person in the world, but I really could not understand this.
<*dv_3*> Has the concept of marriage become so weak that cases such as this are the norm? Did I miss something here? Before I go on, I must point out that the people involved in the aforementioned story live in a town not too far from where I live, and as someone I know accurately put it the other day, if the
<*dv_2*> world had piles, they'd be in that town. But still, things like this are going on everywhere.
So what should we do? Should we just totally scrap the idea of marriage? But then, what about the people that truly were in love and really did plan to spend the rest of their lives together, or at least a period of time longer than five minutes? I think that the only way to improve the situation is to make a number of modifications to the current traditional wedding scenario.
The first thing we'd need to look is wedding vows. Some people write their own wedding vows to give it their own personal touch, but I think we need to do something for those who want to go with a predetermined format. We wouldn't need to change it drastically from the current format; we'd just
need to make a few minor changes:
To have and to hold - as far as the groom's concerned, this would be, "to have and to try it on with when I get back from the pub, drunk, and having not been able to pull." Then for the bride this would be, "to have when it suits me and hold whenever you might have money."
For better or worse - for the man this would be, "until you get fat and your breasts start to sag." For the woman this would be, "until you get fat and your hairline starts to recede."
For richer or poorer - the groom would have to say something along the lines of, "as long as you promise to get a job because there's no way that I'm giving you 50 each time you want to get your hair done!" The bride would say, "as long as you keep earning lots of money - what, you think I'm marrying you for your personality?"
In sickness and in health - the male would say, "and don't start complaining when it's that time of the month." The female would say, "and don't come to me for sympathy when you have a cold, deal with it!"
To love and to cherish - this wouldn't really fit in with the mood, so this would have to be dropped.
And then both can end with: "Until someone better comes along."
<*dv_0*> It would also help if, instead of marrying in a church or registry office, people got married in court. That way, if things went awry at the ceremony or the wedding reception, they'd be in the perfect place to get a quick and easy annulment. If only Britney Spears had thought of that one.
I'm sure that are lots of other things that we could amend, and in time, it's bound to happen. In the mean time, people will just have to continue to marry and argue and divorce and sue each other. Ah, there's nothing quite like love!
Lee
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