Gaultier unveils his best collection to date | | Vintage, My Arse! | Its a well known fact about me, (ask any of my mates) that most of the clothes in my wardrobe once belonged to someone else. I dont mean I stole them, item by item, off washing lines and train seats or anything. On the contrary, I like to shop, only I do it in charity shops, second hand shops and jumble sales, rather than the High Street. Its part of who I am, half squirrel, half magpie, possibly with a generous dash of gyppo, council flat, white trash thrown in for good measure! At this juncture, might I offer my apologies to any readers with romany lineage but admit it, you know exactly what I mean when I say gyppo, (sort of like the traveller underclass, all fake gold and lucky evva) anyway, I digress! Now dont misunderstand me, I love that ripping off the label with your teeth thing that goes hand in hand with buying new clothes, as much as the next girl. And it must be said, Im as happy as the proverbial pig in number twos, folding my new, crisp, funky carrier bags in the cupboard under the sink, for later use. (You just know how crap it looks when you put your swimming togs in a Safeways bag, especially when theres a gleaming new Karen Millen bag, wedged behind the polish and the bin liners, begging to be given a posing opportunity!) But the truth is, for the most part, I still end up buying second hand clothes from charity shops. Admittedly, I do bring them home in my recycled posing bags, but there is nothing as thrilling as finding a really funky top AND a pair of kickflares (circa 1978) for less than youd pay for a sock on the High Street. However, the thing about second hand clothing that really pisses me off, is this pathetic insistence that they are vintage! HELLO, VINTAGE!!!? Im sorry, but in my book, a thirty year old jaguar car, with walnut dashboard, chrome bumpers and cream leather upholstery is vintage, a mangy pair of cord peddle pushers which last saw the light of day when the Thompson Twins were riding high in the charts, just arent! Theyre second hand, for crying out loud! Lets face it, the ONLY reason people adopt this ridiculous idea of vintage clothing is because secretly, they are ashamed of being guilty of the cardinal sin of buying second hand stuff. It is a sad testament to the society in which we live, that we feel compelled to buy, buy, buy and always new, new, new. We allow ourselves to get sucked into the vortex that is modern marketing and before we know it, were not buying the product, were buying the lifestyle, were aspiring to be better people, nicer, healthier, cleverer, cooler people. After all, who in their right mind would be seen dead in QS family wear? None of us, thats who, and why? Because everyone knows the S stands for SECONDS and regardless of whether theyre quality or not, who really wants to be second? In a society that claims to be a meritocracy, the truth is that what you wear speaks far more to people about who you are than how well you did at school or work this week. Take the recently departed Carrie Bradshaw et al, of Sex and the City fame. How many of us watched with horror as she paraded through the streets of the big apple in giant flower brooches and spandex batwing hideousness? How many of us sat slack jawed as she swanned into cocktail parties and book signing, clad in mohair, lurex or god forbid, pleated skirts? And yet, several award ceremony photos and Heat magazine centre spreads later, and how many of us were rushing out to buy NEW, the gross and totally unflattering vintage look, so we could be just like Carrie? See what I mean, its all a capitalist conspiracy!!! You wear the stuff, it looks crap so you give it to a charity shop, where some short time later, some hip and trendy tv wardrobe lackey picks it up for a couple of quid and dresses the leading lady of your favourite show in it. You then see it on your telly, possibly with a slightly shorter hem or a dodgy accessory and on an actress at least three stone lighter than you. You then convince yourself, (this time around) itll look great and rush to write to the fashion pages of Elle or Cosmo to ask where you can pick up a lime green kaftan just like Carries. Some time after that (normally about a week) the shops promptly start churning out copies (made of cheaper, less flattering material) for you to recreate the latest look! And all for a mere ten times what you paid for it the first time around! The propaganda machine that appears to drive the fashion industry rolls into action and before you know it, the Carrie look is everywhere. Meanwhile, as you continue to waste your hard earned cash on trying to keep up with the newest fashions, and possibly driving yourself into credit card debt in the process, Im quietly sorting through charity shops that smell faintly of wee and mothballs. And guess what? That outfit you just forked out for, complete with fancy bag and tissue wrap, that devoured half your weekly wage was just recreated by me, courtesy of arthritic Eileen at Help the Aged for a fiver. Mine looks more like Carries, mine is made of the exact same material as Carries and oh gosh, would you look at that, mines a designer make, JUST LIKE CARRIES. But do you know what the difference is between mine and hers? Ill tell you, mine is second hand while hers is, of course vintage. Oh and obviously I also still look shit in it, like I did first time around just like you! But hey at least it only cost me a fiver to find that out and because it came from a charity shop, Im smug in the knowledge that my purchase has bought Ethel,86, from Scunthorpe that commode shes been needing for some time. sooooo, tell me again, how much did you say that lot cost you?
Submitted by Sarah Martin
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