One rung up the evolutionary ladder from trekkies and one below the amoeba, the dungeons n dragons brigade must surely be creaming themselves over this latest in the Lord of the Rings saga. In darkened bedrooms up and down the country they will be squealing, Did you see Shelob the Giant spider?! I bet he could take more hit points then Cockenball the Giant Orc.or words to that effect.
I wont bore you with the story. Everyone has read Tolkiens books. Safe to say if you havent, you will be spending the 3 and a bit hours wondering what the f*ck is going on as the film rattles straight on from its predecessor. And so it should. A succession of battles is fought between adversaries covered in various states of muck interspersed with Frodos quest to destroy the One Ring. Fanboys will be happy with the faithful treatment of the story. What? You expected Frodo to be packing an A.K.47 whilst being sound tracked by the Wu Tang? Tarantino was busy Im afraid.
<*dv_0*> Lets be fair. The endeavor undertaken by director Peter Jackson is nothing short of extraordinary. Even to attempt to recreate one of the longest, most famous literary masterpieces and tailor it to the big screen for a 2003 audience takes a man with exceedingly large cojones indeed. Not only has the man got bottle but the skill to create an entirely convincing fantasy world with a mixture of C.G.I and real action which leaves cynics like myself utterly convinced. There are obvious comparisons with Star Wars; huge franchise, massive C.G.I. battle scenes, self contained cities and weird and wonderful inhabitants. L.O.T.R. wins hands down.
<*dv_4*> O.K, classic story, superb effects, what about the acting? Well, its a mixed bag really. Andy Serkis voice acting takes centre stage again as the schizophrenic Gollum who is both pathetic and menacing in equal measure and his attempts to obtain his precious ring are worth the ticket price alone. Sir Ian McKellen brings gravitas to the Yodaesque Gandalf and Elijah Wood is suitably wide-eyed as young Frodo.
<*dv_2*> Sean Astin plays Frodos sidekick Sam and comes across in a faintly homoerotic fashion. Vying for Frodos attention with Gollum his over-protective nature paint him as a Middle Earth equivalent of Christopher Biggins. At one point I honestly thought they were going to snog each other. It was obviously a much more innocent age in Tolkien's time. Orlando Bloom is as wooden as the arrows he fires as Legolas the Elf and Liv Tyler could have just propped up a cardboard replica during her scenes and no-one would have noticed (well it worked in Star Wars).
<*dv_3*> The film is a must-see but my only critiscism is that at almost 3 and half hours long it is going to test the patience of the even the most zealous afficionado. The beauty of the books is that even though they are huge door stops you can put them down at your leisure. Hello!!!? What about an intermission? To be denied a toilet break after 2 hours surely breaks some rule in the Geneva Convention. This isn't Guantanamo Bay you know.
Dara Yazdani
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