Ive decided to review these two films together for several reasons. Im a horror nut, so reviewing two films starring horror heavyweights going head to head makes sense. Also, it feels a bit like one of those compare and contrast questions from GCSE English. Finally, I rented them both at the same time and watched them one after the other. I wasnt expecting much from either film based on the reviews Id seen, but the final result surprised even me.
<*dv_0*> Underworld stars the lovely Kate Beckinsale and is all about the battle between werewolves and vampires. Freddy Vs. Jason stars the even lovelier Monica Keena and is all aboutermfunnily enough, the battle between Freddy Vs. Jason. Both films received heavy promotion in the national press and are both available on nice shiny discs if you want to buy them. If I may be allowed a small influence over your life: dont bother.
<*dv_2*> Underworld is an over-stylised magpie of a movie. Right now youre thinking, Magpie of a movie? Has Booger been sniffing permanent markers again? What I mean is, Underworld has seen shiny things it likes in other movies and nicked them. Every set piece seems to come from Blade, The Matrix or John Woo. What little plot there is concerns vampire Ms Beckinsale falling in love with human Scott Speedman while saving him from a bunch of Lycans (werewolves to those of us who dont have ideas above our stations). The Lycans are narked because they used to be slaves to the vampires. Also, Speedman may or may not hold the key to a huge power shift between the two camps.
This review is a bit muddled isnt it? Funny that, so is Underworld. The film makers seem to be under the impression they are making a very important movie. They also know their myths and legends. Unfortunately, they know dick about making an exciting action/horror film. Between the stolen set pieces, huge amounts of time are given over to lengthy bouts of dialogue and exposition, all delivered in a very irritating cod-Gothic style. Its a golden opportunity wasted. It could have been an hour and a half of pure carnage. As it is, the film has a few nice ideas, a fantastically camp turn from Bill Nighy, and Kate Beckinsale in PVC (which also seems to be the advertisers main selling point).
Freddy Vs. Jason, meanwhile, is a completely different bag of worms. Director Ronny Yu is under no illusions as to what hes making: a slasher flick. The plot is simplicity itself: Freddy gets the hump because kids arent scared of him any more so brings back Jason from Hell to make them jump or something. Jase takes a few too many liberties so Freddy decides to reel him in a bit. They fight, good-looking kids die. The first ridiculous death scene happens after about 12 seconds, and yes, its a nude girl who buys the farm. Nominal head teen duties go to Monica Keena, who spends half the film running around in the most wonderful Wonderbra Ive ever seen on celluloid. The teens buy it in suitably gory fashion, and a contender for movie moment of the month has to be her out of Destinys Child (who isnt Beyonce) receiving the mother of all machete whacks from Mr Voorhees.
<*dv_1*> Its not all about hacking up obnoxious yanks either. When Freddy and Jason lock horns the film remains entertaining. Freddy torments Jasons child-like psyche and plays a wicked game of pinball. Jason, in turn, gives Freddy several doses of his own razor-gloved medicine. Jason being mute, Robert England as Freddie gets all the cheesy lines. To his credit, he laps it up and gives easily his funniest Freddy performance.
<*dv_3*> Its the knowledge and sly nods that elevate FVJ above Underworld. Neither film is going to win any awards, but while Freddy Vs Jason knows this, Underworld hasnt quite caught up. If you like your trashy movies, bypass Underworld and go for FVJ. Because Im hungry, Ill give you a food analogy to sum it up. Underworld is an M&S microwave meal. It looks gorgeous but tastes pretty average. 3 out of 10. Freddy Vs Jason on the other hand, is a McDonalds cheeseburger. It looks like shit, tastes OK, and does the job you want it to. 6 out of 10.
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