Born as a baby into a wealthy, yet poverty stricken family, during the First Great Action Man shortage of the 20th Century, Pretty Boy Jon (as he was never known) was always destined to be a footballer until Newcastle United released him due to his inability to play football and his unwillingness to become embroiled in off the field scandals.
Undeterred by this setback in life, Loser Boy Jon (as he is constantly referred to) embarked on a career with Boston super group the Pixies. In the band he was employed as a Black Francis look-a-like to perform on stage when Frank Black fancied an early night and to sign autographs, however, he was thrown out after many years loyal service due to the fact that he looked and sounded nowt like the rotund genius.
Never one to rest on his laurels, Lady Boy Jon (he was called this once, but the matter was later settled out of court due to a case of mistaken identity) continued to strive at being Europe's top mackem antagonist and vampire slayer, which led to him being honoured with an MBE for his services to the Geordie population and warm blooded humans in general.
Jonny Boy Jon currently resides in London with his imaginary wife and no children, where he regularly loses himself working as a scriptwriter for Danny "It's All Happening" Boon. |
